LOVE IS THE KEYSTONE of the arch that joins the soul to God. Its apprehension is the very heart of the spiritual journey, and its consummation brings us to God Himself. It is important to trace the course of love from its beginnings to its final fruits, for in its working lies the meaning and destiny of all created things.
Man is never complete when he is alone. It is natural for him to assuage his loneliness in the company of other people. There comes a time in the lives of most young people when a sudden irrational attraction draws them to someone else, usually of the opposite sex. This is, of course, described as "falling in love". Its momentum is so violent that the emotions drive the person to union with the beloved against all rational judgement. Such a state of loving is as much physiological as psychological, so it is a most important milestone in the development of the personality of most (but not all) people.
The beauty of this condition and its importance in the spiritual path is that it releases the person's concern from his own well-being and projects it on to the beloved. Thus there is a temporary release of the personality, and the soul can show its light. Life takes on a new meaning; the old ways are dead and all around is bliss. It is no wonder that much of the world's greatest poetry has been written in the glow of great love, while some of this forms the basis of the treasury of song.
But falling in love, though in one way a liberating experience, is also a confusing and even a deluding one. Since the reasoning mind is subjugated by the uninhibited flow of emotion that is released from the unconscious mind, its judgement is eclipsed. Furthermore, much of the unfulfilled longing that lies deep in us is projected on to the beloved, who therefore appears to possess all those attributes that we ourselves so desperately lack. In a very real way, though there is intimate involvement between lover and beloved, there is remarkably little real relationship, for each is more aware of the ideal that is seen in the other than in the reality that in truth exists. This reality is much more obvious to detached observers. It is easy to be cynical about young love, but it is wrong - on every level. When the young fall in love they are proclaiming their own ideals. Romantic love is always beautiful because it is spontaneous, unreserved and, in the highest meaning of that word, innocent. Until you are a fool in love, you cannot know your own depths fully, and therefore you remain enclosed -"safe" certainly but also isolated. Until you give yourself, and suffer betrayal if need be, you cannot know what the soul is and what of yourself can never be lost. A fool in love is also a fool for God. Whatever is lost is repaid by increased self-knowledge.
The one certain attribute of romantic love is its transience. If it is not deepened into a more durable practical love it is liable to be dissipated, and transferred to someone else. This is indeed the course of love for most young people, but there comes a time when something more substantial is needed. This has to be honest. It is now that love comes into its mature manifestation. In order that this may occur, the very practical marriage relationship has been devised by generations of people of different religious and racial backgrounds. When love is anchored down into the realities of everyday life and enclosed in a duration of permanence, it loses much of its glamour. The beloved is seen more clearly as he (or she) really is, and the lover's reaction to this unadorned vision gives him (or her) a new insight into the nature of his (or her) own soul. This is the moment of truth when glamorous communication is extended into a mundane relationship. It is also the paradigm of the impetuous conversion experience, when one is full of God's love, which has to be extended into less joyful secular life, when the awareness of divine grace fades and one proceeds by faith rather than direct vision.
A constant relationship where the very depths of one's personality are exposed to the critical, and often hostile, scrutiny of the other is both a fearful experience and a healing one. If we live in awareness of the situation and face the unpleasant facts about our own selfishness and moral dishonesty with equanimity, we learn more and more about ourselves and can begin to accept much, both in ourselves and in others, that would have previously been unbearable. It is, in fact, very hard for a person to understand relationships until he has given of himself to another in his very life. Those who do not need marriage to establish a pattern of right relationships will be found to be advanced souls in whom celibacy means a perfect harmonisation of the various facets of their own personalities. On the other hand, there are many marriages, perhaps even the majority of marriages, in which a true relationship never develops between man and wife. The union is one of worldly convenience and not of spiritual growth. The partners simply do not know each other.
How beautiful a real marriage is to behold! The man and the woman glow in deep serenity. The growth of both from inexperienced youth to calm, yet masterful, maturity is a glorious thing. The girl becomes a fulfilled woman and the man flourishes in his worldly profession. But more than these outer manifestations of successful living, there is an inner spiritual emanation that makes each of them a focus of light and healing for all the world around them. In other words, the proof of a real and growing love between two people is the radiation of that love to the whole world, so that more and more people are embraced in the outflowing concern of the lovers, whose awareness transcends their family to encompass a greater family of men. Thus does love which starts on a personal, rather exclusive level expand into a living union with all created things.
Unfortunately, not all lovers experience this fullness of relationship. Many become so attached to one another that each life is lost in the other, and there is no growth into maturity. They are certainly in love with each other, but also chained in an attachment that leaves neither free. A selfishness extends from one person to encompass the two in close union, and the rest of the world is of no account to them. In due course one of the partners must die, and then the other is left disconsolate. While mourning after the death of a loved one is a most natural circumstance, if this mourning continues indefinitely, to the detriment of the growth of the remaining person, the relationship that was enjoyed previously cannot be regarded as a constructive one. It becomes clear that the whole basis of living was an attachment to one other person.
In this type of union, you can lose your own identity and even your personal responsibility in the beloved, only to realise that you have not grown into an independent person when bereft of the support for which you have previously lived. What passes as love can be emotional coercion by one person on another; it can also be an escape from reality into a private world of mutual adulation and comfort. And once again the counterpart of vain human attachment is mirrored in immature attitudes towards God. The immature may love a God who demands complete obedience from them according to the precepts of some spiritual authority; if they transgress these precepts, they can expect punishment from this vengeful potentate. Alternatively, religion can be a glorious escape from the stresses of the world into some private domain of the elect who live in constant communication with the Almighty. He speaks directly to them, tells them what to do, and leads them into all material blessings - to the cost of their own growth into mature human beings.
It follows from this that what the world speaks of as love is usually merely an emotional response of need by immature people. What they lack in themselves they seek in other people, and the attraction, which can assume a python - like stranglehold, leads ultimately to a diminution of the personality of all concerned. How different was the love of Christ - and to a more limited extent that of the other great spiritual teachers and leaders of mankind! They gave of themselves completely to others so that the world and all its inhabitants might reach something of the stature of God, Who is present in the spirit of the soul, as well as transcendent above all categories of thought. If we study the lives of the great lovers of mankind - and Christ stands beyond the remainder in His redeeming function of all mankind- we will see that their love set men free.They were freed from the attraction of all subsidiary things, and could realise themselves as sons of God.
True love is concerned with the growing into maturity of the beloved, who in the fullness of time includes all mankind and all created things. It has that detached commitment to the person at hand which supports him to the utmost while leaving him free to be himself. In this way love makes no demands, neither does it look for results. It is aware of itself in its concerns for the other and its recompense is helping the beloved to be more fully himself. It knows that all will be well in accordance with the will of God, and that its own function is to support and strengthen the beloved during the period of darkness and suffering.
This does not mean that love separates itself purposely from other people. On the contrary, it knows when to be near, even intimate, for in union there is joy. When lovers are giving fully of themselves to and for each other, the Holy Spirit is working in them and between them, showing them the divine nature as they consummate their union. But there is also a time when the lovers must separate to fulfil their individual destinies, and in this conscious withdrawal the strength of caring and love is even stronger than when the lovers were together.
The two most powerful sentences of love come from St. John's gospel. In the third chapter (verses 27 to 36), St John the Baptist speaks of his own eclipse as the power of Jesus grows: "He must increase, but I must decrease." This is love in action, that one may give all one has to help another and be diminished as the result of it. But the diminution is only in the world's eyes. It is a humbling that leads one to the divine. In the fifteenth chapter of the same gospel Jesus says, "Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends." Here the decrease moves to a complete surrender of the earthly personality, but once again the soul, which is the agent of real love, lies revealed, radiant and triumphant.
In this understanding of true love we can glimpse a mature human relationship with God. He reveals Himself to us in mystical union, and we see His glory that surpasses all categories. Then we come down to the world once more, and the divine radiance is only a memory. We have to work on without the awareness of His constant presence, but as we progress to greater humanity, we realise that He is the power that is moving us onwards to the measure of perfection. In this way we may in the fullness of time be ever aware of Him, in no matter what circumstances we find ourselves.
In such a relationship of man and God there can be no turning back or loss of faith, for we know Him as He is and do not need to prove Him by signs and wonders. It is in this demand for a divine revelation that we tempt God. It is wise therefore to ponder on the most inscrutable clause of the Lord's Prayer: "Lead us not into temptation", or as it is translated in the contemporary idiom "do not bring us to the test". Of course, every episode of life is a test and a trial of our own endurance and faith. Without constant trials there would be no growth into the fullness of being. But we must work in faith based on the intuitive knowledge that God reveals to us. In so doing we will prevail against the darkness and transmute it into light. If, however, we challenge God's providence and power by demanding a "miracle", we will be left bereft of God's grace until we have learnt the error of our ways.
The test that we may dread is one of such magnitude that it challenges the very stuff of our being; it is right that we should not be brought to this test until we are so united in God that nothing can prevail against us. And who in this life do we know to be of such spiritual radiance? The diabolical techniques of torture and brain-washing that have been perfected in our own ultra-civilised generation have shown how few people, even those steeped in a religious tradition, are able to withstand psychological disintegration under such circumstances. It also shows us how few people have experienced the centre of their own being, for it is here alone, with God as ruler, that we stand impregnable against the assaults of the outer world. Religion and all its associations can actually separate us from the Spirit within, if we put our trust in these outer things instead of using them as a gateway to the inner life of the spirit.
Mature love is therefore not an emotional response; it is a quiet contemplation in which the whole being of the lover is centred on the being of the beloved. It is a state of union which grows in intensity until the lover and beloved are one in eternity. And when this happens every other creature is brought into union with them. Thus love never separates groups of people, but rather gathers them into a divine community that is the material, as well as mystical, Body of Christ. No one can ever love until he knows the love of God and can reciprocate that love with God. When the love is known, he can grow deeper in love with every created thing, seeing it, with all its blemishes, as a child of God.
This does not mean that love blinds itself to darkness and evil; on the contrary, it acknowledges them with unsentimental discernment. But it is no longer repelled by them. It descends to their level and raises them up to its own level. Thus is the darkness overcome by light, and the evil transmuted to good. The ministry of Christ showed this transfiguring process to perfection. His penetrating love changed all who came in contact with it, as it does even today. But there are many who cannot bear the implications of this discernment. They prefer to live in the darkness of their own illusions rather than be cleansed by the light of God. Thus they seek to destroy the healing light that emanates from love, but it cannot be overcome, for it is of the nature of God Himself.
Nevertheless, we come to know the love of God by actively dedicating ourselves to the world around us. Even the romantic love of youth is a gateway to the divine. But it is the frustration, the disappointment, of this personal attraction that first makes many people open to the unfailing love of God. He comes to us when we are broken, and He mends the personality within us. The gratitude we evince and the depth of understanding with which we are now endowed help us to feel into the sufferings of others. Thus does compassion develop.